My grandmother was a crook and, she also claimed, the Earl of Essex. I suspected that the latter may have been mere and unsubstantiated, as her first name was Doris. A name rarely in history associated with peers of the realm.

The first claim though, that was no demented rambling. She had been to prison at least three times. The last when she became a pass wielding pensioner. She couldn’t cope and lashed out. On her prison wing she became a genuine celebrity. Demented Doris that killer queen of Tungsten Green.